Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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