im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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