I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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