never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
bring money and cleavage
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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