JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
