why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
