You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can't turn off my feet"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
