what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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