If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
