It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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