Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
