you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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