Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the liver wants what the liver wants
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
