Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
