Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
