remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
