actually, I'm a sock model
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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