I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
