You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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