I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
