I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
