remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
