I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
