Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
