I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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