Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
