masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
