I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
