Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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