so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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