i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
