What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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