I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
