do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
