my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
