dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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