So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
