It's like God shit irony all over that family
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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