put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
