Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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