I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
