I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
