After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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