Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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