I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
