I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
