Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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