I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
