5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
