Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
