It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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