Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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