Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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