at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
