im having a threesome with these popsicles
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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